After being completely paranoid about the situation in my homeland, to the point of even writing in Spanish, I will try today a lighter yet still worrying topic in my head. What is up with the Internet lately!?!??!
I am talking about how everybody needs to know who you are, what is your email address, where do you live, and what is your age range (note to self: blog about age ranges later) to give you access to the stupidest things. They are also expecting you to create a username and password... I still remember the happy times when you wanted to download something, you clicked on it, and on your computer it was!! Ahhh, those were the days…
Now, every time I click on anything, the following monitor dialogue will happen:
Characters
The Internet (TI)
The Prin (TP)
Setting
TP stares at her browser. A fresh Google page stares back at her. The whole World Wide Web is at her feet. She can look for anything and find out about anything. She is eager to get information, she wants it, she craves to know… She types “Charlie Sheen.” A headliner shows “What did he say now? Find more here.”
TP – Oh! Good gossip.
She clicks on the link
TI – To find out what is Charlie Sheen saying, and much more about this, click here!!!
She clicks
TI – First you have to sign in. Please choose a Username and a Password
TP – Damn it, I hate this. OK… Username: theprin… Password: sheen
TI - Sorry! That username is already in use. Please choose another one.
TP – Are there any other Prins??? Crap. I will use my last name… Username: deunanue… Oh, I need to type the password again… Password: sheen.
TI – No. Sorry. Your username needs to be a valid email address.
TP – Well… I did not want these guys to have my email but fortunately I have an account just for this occasions…
She types it down. Password: sheen.
TI – Sorry, that password is invalid, it has to be at least 8 characters long, include one capital leter, and 3 numbers, not repeated nor consecutive.
TP – Ok, Ok… Password: Sheen135
TI – Awesome, now please choose a security question in case we have to identify you in the future. The options are:
1) What is your mother’s maiden name
2) What was your first pet’s name
3) What city did you grew up in?
At that point she is PO’d. How good is the gossip!?!? She does not want to be a member of this website… She chooses #1.
TP – Which of my mother’s maiden names?? We have two last names. She kept one, she lost one… the one she lost? Will I remember this?? I never had a pet… Well, I had a turtle called Micaela… Was she my first pet? I had a dog named Sebastian… what happened first, the turtle or the dog? I grew up in Mexico City… should I write Distrito Federal? Mexico City? Ciudad de México? DF? D.F.?? Aaaahhhh….
She finally manages to choose and answer a secret question.
TI – To make sure no automated servers are signing up for this page, please type what you see in the window below:
TP – Yeah, right, like the automated servers want to join this shit… What does it say there!?!? Lurking Apostrophes… is that an S or a 5?? Lurking Apostrophe5! That’s it. Typed it in!
TI – That is incorrect, please try a new one.
TP – GRRRRR!!!!! That’s what I think it said… what is this one!?!? Honey Primadonnas… this is getting old.
TI – Thank you! We have sent a confirmation message to your email. Please close this window and access via the link inside such message.
That email was never opened. I hate you. I hate Charlie Sheen thanks to you. Bye.
The end.
In any case, why would they need that much security in a frickin’ gossip page!?!?!? I don’t care if somebody else uses my name to log in and read celebrity gossip, come on!!!
Also, what happens to me a lot is that when I go back to those pages, I cannot remember my password or my username!!!!
So, here my advise to all webmasters in the World, who didn’t ask for it:
1) Let me have whatever password I want. If my identity is stolen, it is m frickin’ problem.
2) You don’t need my email, jerk. Really, you don’t. I don’t want to know about you, or whatever you are selling, or whoever you are supporting.
3) No automated servers want to join your lame page.
4) Flash and animations in general are soooooooooooooo 1998. If your page takes 54 seconds to download, it sucks.
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