The Italian Odyssey

My favorite airlines:

1. Continental

The airlines I totally dislike:

1. Mexicana (mwa ha ha) 
2. Volaris

The airlines that are in the thin line:

1. Lufthansa

Let me explain why... (why Lufthansa, because the Mexicana, Volaris, and Continental stories will be used whenever I cannot think of anything else to write).

So I live in Mexico City and I have to be in a little town in Italy called Castelfranco Veneto.  As you can imagine, there are no such things as the Castelfranco Veneto International Airport nor a direct flight MEXICO –CASTELFRANCO.  After some research I find out that my best shot is to fly to Venice’s airport, called Marco Polo, and from there take a train, bus, or taxi to Castelfranco.

Again, no direct flight from my humble town, so I have to fly to a major European hub and get from there to Venice, so I make a list:

Major European Hub	Airline	Pro’s	Con’s
London	British Airways	Excellent service!	I have a lot more miles with Star Alliance airlines than any other airline / society of airlines.  It is better to have all your miles on the same place because then you can become a mile hog like me and never wanting to use your miles because you just want more and more AND MORE!!!! British is with One World.  I used to have a bunch of One World miles with Mexicana, but they are now lost.  Thank you, Mexicana.
Madrid	Iberia	I speak the language of the actual hub, so I can ask people where the bathroom is or understand what I am ordering for lunch.	I cannot fly on airlines with butter brand names… and they are also part of One World.
Paris	Air France	Air France business class is superb	Sky Team… boooo!!
Amsterdam	KLM	KLM’s first class is even more superb than Air France’s	Schipol airport in Amsterdam is where the Sky Team offices are!  Imagine who is part of it?  Yes, indeed, KLM.  Double booo!!!!!
Rome	Alitalia	Flight to Venice should be fast, a lot	SKY FRICKIN’ TEAM
Frankfurt	Lufthansa	STAR ALLIANCE MILES HELL YEAH!	Whatever, stopped caring when I read that I would get all those miles!!!!

So, after a very thorough research I did two things:  First, I learned that if you want to cross that ocean taking off from Mexico, and get some miles with Star Alliance, you have to go Lufthansa.  Second, I tried to book my two-way-business class ticket with them.  Why tried?  BECAUSE THEY WERE SOLD OUT.

Apparently other Star Alliance Mega Platinum Miles Hogging Mexicans (or Germans travelling to Mexico) have found also that this is the only way.  I could travel one day before, but then I would miss spending a Sunday with my family (and with “my family” I mean the NFL).

I realized that I could travel Mexico – Houston – Frankfurt – Venecia.  Great idea!  Same price, almost 3000 more miles, and I would get to have a Pumpkin Spice Latte at Houston’s Airport Starbucks before they stop selling them for the end of the season.  Success all over the place. 

UNTIL MY BAG GOT LOST.  I probably tried too hard.  Four airports, four different countries, it was bound to happen…   

So I get out of my plane in Venice, and I tenderly wait by the bag’s belt (which in Venice is painted as a giant casino roulette) and I wait and wait.  I wanted to pee, but decided to wait a little more or I’d lose the magical spot right next to the ramp where the bags come out.  I have this little obsession where I think that EVERYONE on the plane has a macabre bag stealing plan, and if I am not right there my valuable bag will be stolen before it reaches me.     So there I am, seeing the roulette numbers pass.  And then they are all covered with bags.  I see all sorts of bags, of all sorts of colors and types.  All the bags with “PRIORITY” tag pass.  Regular bags start coming out now.  Don’t panic, I tell myself, it is probably at the bottom of the bunch because it followed a very strange route.  In the following minutes the roulette numbers start appearing again.  All bags disappear.  All tourists disappear.  My bag is not there and my heart is broken.  

So this is Tuesday afternoon, and I remember putting these clothes on on Monday morning, so I suddenly realize I stink, I am wearing yoga pants, a tank top and Sketchers, and I am supposed to go to work tomorrow.  Frickin’ awesome.  I do not have any kind of cleansing liquid with me (for my hair, my face, my contacts, my ass…).  The horror!!

I see two more dove-eyed fools staring at the roulette.  They too have lost their luggage, they just don’t have the courage to accept it yet.  I still have to pee but I run to the “Lost & Found” booth before they do.  There is only one lady attending and I definitely do not need to stand in another line (if you have not travelled internationally lately, let me describe it for you: it means stand in a bunch of lines, just behind the slowest people in the World).  I ran as fast as my disappointed feet and my full bladder could take me.  

When I got there, a very old man, with his very old wife were filing a report for a missing bag.  They were not on my plane, so who knows how long had they been there.  I love old people, don't get me wrong, but it takes them A LOT OF TIME to do anything.  That is cool when you are listening to a story in traffic ("Tell me more about my Uncle Mike's first poo, grandma!  The past 3 hours flew past me!!!") or when a bunch of old zombies are after you ("We... want... your... brains..."  "If you can catch me, ma'am!!!").  It is not cool when you have to pee, you have no clothes in Venice, and you have been wearing the same yoga pants for over 27 hours (good thing I don't actually do any yoga).  

I will not even get into the details of my Bag Stealing Mafia paranoia.  I almost start crying during the line.  25 minutes later, the elderly couple finished describing their black, upright, medium sized bag (phew, that was easy!) and it was finally my turn.  

Prin (P): ¿Habla español?

Lady Behind the Counter (LBC): *blink*blink*blink*

P: Speak English?

LBC: Yes (strong Italian accent).

P: My bag did not make it

LBC: What airline did you fly?  

P: Lufthansa

LBC: That is the next counter.

The next counter had now a line formed by the two dove-eyed tourists I "outsmarted" 25 minutes before.  

I had to pee so badly that I could think about was pee, I almost forgot my bag was lost.  I went and peed.  When I came back, there were 10 people in the line.  Apparently, they lost their bags in other flights that arrived during my first hour in Italy, while I was being a complete idiot.  

I stood in line for another 30 minutes (these people were a lot younger).  I arrived to a Lady Behind the Counter #2.  

P: Speak English?

LBC2: No.

P: ¿Español?

LBC2: No

P: *blink*blink*

LBC2: *boring stare*

P: Mia maleta es perdita (singing / absolutely fake Mario Bros accent)

LBC2 took out a poster with pictures of bags, I pointed out to one that looked like mine and passed my baggage claim ticket to her.  She writes down in a computer and she prints out some pages.  On these pages it said that my bag would be again with me, protected from the Bag Stealing Mafia, in 24 hours.  

This story will be continued, but you can imagine.