Ahhh… I get a lot of unasked-for travel advice. Some is really cool like: “eat in this restaurant, it was awesome.” That is, unless it is a frickin’ 300€ per person restaurant or an All the Shrimp You Can Eat restaurant. Most of the time they are good recommendations, though.
I especially love the pointers when it comes to transportation. See, where I come from, taxis are rather cheap and they are available anywhere. Also, the subway is fairly easy to use and very very affordable. In Europe, for example, taxis are the most unused method of transportation, ergo, they are über expensive. Getting from anywhere to anywhere costs hundreds of euros. Trains are easy to use, once you have understood the logistics, the same goes with buses. Some of these you can use with certain tickets, some you can’t, some you have to “validate”, some you are entitled to and you don’t even know it… If you can explain to me where should I go, what should I do, and how much I have to pay, I will totally appreciate it (extra points if I do not have to sell internal organs to move around).
Sometimes people give you advice that is totally unnecessary, like you are going to Paris and they say: “You should go to the Eiffel Tower!” Well, ahem... I know you mean well (super smiley face).
Finally, there are the tips I really don’t like. For example: “You should go to this karaoke bar! I had the most amazing time, got out of there wasted and ended up singing Total Eclipse of the Heart three times in a row!” OK, people, get over it. I travel alone most of the time. You had an amazing time because you were with 17 of your drunk friends. Another one that gets on my nerves is “This club is amazing! DJ SUPER DJ mixes there.” Let’s face it, last time I went clubbing in my own city was 1998, and you know it!! What makes you think I will re-start now? Also, DJ SUPER DJ means nothing to me. There is also the typical: “You’re going to Buenos Aires?? Go to the glaciers in Patagonia!!!” Well, dude, they are hours away on a plane, I am only going for five days, and it is super expensive to go there. Nice try!
Besides unasked-for travel advice, I also get a bunch of crazy requests. My dad, God bless him, always asks me to bring things that are either not sold wherever I’m going or are much more expensive there. For example, I am going to Brazil and he asks for whole wheat tortillas. “Dad,” I say, “I will be in Brazil… they would be a lot easier to buy RIGHT HERE.” “Fine,” he says. “Don’t do your father a favor if you don’t want to.”
The one I hate the most (notice I am using the word HATE here)? When people ask me to bring back hot Italians / Brazilians / Argentineans / Venezuelans / etc. That is a) illegal; b) not feasible; c) stupid; d) not even original, everybody asks for the same thing every time! What do you want me to do exactly? Should I stuff a huge-boobed Venezuelan in my carry on and bring her over? Newsflash: no. Can you imagine stopping a handsome Argentinean on the street and asking: “Hey, my friend asked me to bring over an Argentinean… interested?” What happens next in your crazy fantasy??? He says “Ok, I’ll do it!” He buys a $1,200 USD ticket to Mexico and meets you and marries you and you have 2.5 children and live happily ever after. Well, sorry to tell you, but your fantasy is not going to become real, not even if you wish upon a star; not because dreams can’t come true, but because I AM NOT STOPPING HOT ARGENTINEANS ON THE STREET FOR YOU OR ANYBODY, DAMN IT!!!
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